Its never been easy for me, why should I expect it to be now?

"Mooch, Throw away that credit card, Shred it, its going to be nothing but problems" I can distinctively here my saying this to me. I was July 31, 2006. I had just turned 18 years old not even 72 hours before i received a letter in the mail from capitol. In the letter was a credit card awating me to open, sign and use. Three or four days later, "Mooch, can I use your credit card so that Min. Antoine can pay for his luggage to be sent here"
"What" I said to myself. "You just told me to get rid of it". Story of my life.

Livng a life of endless contradictons, I feel like I was doomed from the gate. Things like, dont "Shack up" while shacking, or pay your tithes while partially paying tithes. Commit your relationship to God, While fornicating. So, here I am twenty three years old, at the greatest point of my life, my prime. Ive been broken and confused, Ive been married and divorced, Ive been up and Ive been down. Ive been alone and Ive been lonely. Ive been a lot of places in my life and time, and now here I am. My prime.

Ive already been on my own five years. Though I dont consider it much, I have a place to call my own here in Philadelphia, Pa. Ive got a wonderful church family, a decent job, and the baddest girlfriend in the land. Man, one would look at me now and say "man he's doing it". While I am truely grateful for all that the lord has blessed me with. There is so much more that I need out of life. I saw somethng that almost broke me today. Believe it or not it was my credit score. I hadnt realized, the affects that my mistakes had on everything.

This broke me because I feel like, It should not have been this way. I look at other people my age, most of whom were not thrusted into the world of independence as nearly as I and sometimes it bothers me. Why could I not have had more responsible parents? One was non-existent as he ventured to secure a life for himself minus us. The other, hustling and bustling doing whatever it took to feed us, with no strategy, no guide, and clue about stability. Ugh!!! My life. It may seem that i am complaining, I assure you im not. Just a little frustrated.

Starting from scratch is very difficult. Sometimes, I just want to yell, AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! but then I remember that Paul said, all things work together for the of those who are in Christ Jesus. Thank God! does it suck... yeah it does, however, I will hold on to God unchanging hand and hs steadfast love.


Though he slay me, yet will I trust him.- Job 13:15